Kate Bowden LCSW, CASAC, CEAP

12 Step Meetings

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 20:06:00 GMT

There is a forthcoming article in the July issue of the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research that confirms something that those of us who work here at the New York Center for Living already know: going to 12-step meetings helps keep young addicts and alcoholic sober.

The study included 127 substance abusers, age 14 to 19, who were interviewed four times, beginning when they entered outpatient treatment and then at intervals of three, six and twelve months thereafter. The co-author of the study, John F. Kelly, who is the associate director of the Center for Addiction Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital as well as associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical Center, said: “We found that…more meeting attendance was associated with significantly better substance use outcomes—particularly attending meetings at least once per week or more." Almost as important, Kelly reported, was that “youth who were in contact with an AA or NA sponsor or who participated verbally at meetings had an even better outcome over and above the positive effects from merely attending.”

Finally and quite importantly from the point of view of those of us at the New York Center for Living, Kelly said that “starting an onsite AA young people’s meeting is another good idea. Not all youth will be motivated to attend, but the more severely substance-involved ones will be more likely to give meetings a try and these are the ones most likely to benefit.” Kelly understands that “it is hard for anyone to walk in cold to a large AA meeting,” but if young alcoholics or addicts have a guide—a sponsor or therapist, even a parent—and if they are attending meetings at a site they are already familiar with, they are far more likely to stay, benefit from the meeting, and return for more meetings.

At the New York Center of Living we hold onsite meetings twice a week (in addition to a weekly Al-Anon meetings for parents and family of our clients). These meetings are open to the community at large as well as those already at the New York Center for Living and those who have “graduated” from our program, but who want to come back to the protection of a place where they learned the fundamentals of changing their lives for the better.

In the end, John Kelly says, “our findings support the common clinical recommendation that individuals should 'go to meetings, get a sponsor, and get active.' This [study] is the first evidence to support this common clinical recommendation among young people."

Go to meetings, speak up, get a sponsor. This has been a tenet of faith in the recovery community for many years—“meeting makers make it,” as they say—but it’s nice when the studies back you up!

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Tags: 12 Step,Addiction,Teen Treatment

The Value of Keeping It Simple

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 16:35:00 GMT

If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not learning.

The above sentence is one of a list of thirty or so kept on a smart phone belonging to one of the young addicts and alcoholics we have helped recover here at the New York Center for Living. He has collected them over the two years he has remained clean and sober. Such sentences—or sayings, or slogans, if you will—are a long-time tradition within Alcoholics Anonymous that has spread out into the recovery community in general.

Sometimes a young addict or alcoholic can’t get to a meeting or is unable to reach a friend of sponsor. Flipping open a phone or taking a look at a notebook, he or she can find words, deceptive in their simplicity, which speak metaphorically to the problems all recovering addicts/alcoholics face.

The slogan If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not learning comes from the fact that young alcoholics and addicts can be unforgiving of themselves if they make a mistake—if they fail at school, find themselves in the wrong company, or have a relapse. None of these things is desirable, but we’re all human and we all make mistakes. As long as any addict or alcoholic stays clean and sober, they can learn from their mistakes. At any given moment we can hit the reset button, start our day over again. We write our lives as we go along and we can change the ending.

My bottom was when I decided to stop digging.

Any recovering addict—but especially the young ones we deal with here at the New York Center For Living—learns that he or she is responsible for their problems. No one else. That’s what My bottom was when I decided to stop diggingmeans. Certainly, numerous factors, from genetics to parenting, have contributed, but addicts and alcoholics dig their own holes, and can stop digging them, too, and can also climb out of them.

I suffer through so many things in my life that never happened.

This reminds alcoholics and addicts that they need to take things one day at a time—that projecting fearfully into the future is pointless and can help cause the kind of anxiety that may lead to a drink or a drug. Staying in the moment(another saying) is key to sobriety, especially early sobriety.

You didn’t get sober to go to meetings.

This is an interesting one and might at first seem like apostasy, but guess who said it? Bill Wilson, the co-founder of AA. Although attending meetings is an integral part of sobriety, it isn’t the purpose of getting sober. Our clients at the New York Center for Living get sober to live life on life’s terms, to find a bridge back to society, to discover a way to behappy, joyous and free. And sometimes it takes a list on a cell phone to make sure that happens.

For more of our sayings, click here .

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Sayings and Slogans

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 16:30:00 GMT

Those who don’t matter judge and those who matter don’t judge.

If you don’t have a home group in AA you’re homeless in AA.

My bottom is when I decided to stop digging.

There are no strangers in AA, just friends we haven’t met yet.

Depression is thinking about myself too much.

I suffer through so many things in my life that never happened.

The miracle of AA is that we’re not all screwed up on the same day.

Now I don’t wake up and decided to drink, I wake up and get a connection with God.

My biggest fear is that tomorrow becomes day one.

No one is ever free in the future.

You didn’t get sober to go to meetings.

When you start complaining about yourself turn around and see how far you’ve come.

Time is not a tool.

Keep it simple.

AA does not prove God, only the necessity for one.

Faith is not a belief, it’s just a complete dedication to the best thing you know.

Feelings aren’t facts, they are things that just pass.

Alcoholism suited me well.

While I’m in the driver’s seat, I’m guaranteed to crash.

Even though I feel my feelings, most of the time I’m doing better than I’m feeling.

If I’m looking down on somebody it should be to help them back up.

If somebody looks up to you, it doesn’t mean you should look down on them.

I’m an addict and alcoholic and I am my problem.

I’m the perfect imperfection created by the perfect creator.

We are of our own mind and condemned by our own guilt.

A drug is a drug is a drug.

The worst neighborhood we can walk through is our own head.

Clean time does not represent recovery in the program.

If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not learning.

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Community Equals Recovery : An Equation for Sober Living

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:42:00 GMT

I met this kid who everybody in high school really loved. He smoked a lot of weed and I put two and two together: popular, plus weed, equals awesomeness. So I tried to get friendly with this kid and his friends.

The above words are from an interview with a young man who got sober here at the New York Center for Living—part of a larger interview process, of which more in a later blog post. But I wanted to quote a few sentences of what he has to say because his words point out how important community is to addicts.

Addicts and alcoholics, suffering from the sense of isolation and loneliness that often seems to shadow them from birth, seek fellowship, at least in the beginning stages of their addiction. It is no coincidence that the theme song for the old television show “Cheers” (set in a Boston bar) talks about how wonderful it is to have a place to go “where everybody knows your name...where our troubles are all the same.”

Community is especially important to young addicts and alcoholics. Often their original communities—their birth families—are places where relationships are fraught, difficult and confusing. Like the young addict above, they turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to belong. Popular, plus weed, equals awesomeness: an equation that stands as near-universal shorthand for the beginning of the addiction process.

What often follows as addiction continues, however, is the opposite of community—deep social isolation—what the activist Dorothy Day called “the long loneliness.” The young addict quoted here was smoking marijuana nine times a day by the time he was sixteen. He was high so often that he couldn’t tell the difference between high and sober. He was kicked out of his school. He fought with his friends and his family. The community he sought was taken from him.

At the New York Center for Living, one of the main things we provide for the clients who comes to us is a sense of sober community. We have groups that focus on Sober Living, Life Skills, Relapse Prevention, Coping Skills, Art, Music, and Nutrition, as well as Academic and Vocational Needs. So by participating in the Center’s community milieu, young alcoholics and addicts learn to interact and, in some cases, have fun in a sober environment.

Turning to the young addict we interviewed, once again:

We were all here at the New York Center for Living when each of us was going through a rough time and it just builds a bond that I’ve never felt before. We started hanging out. We started helping others get sober and taking them to meetings. Because of our group…and how young we were, we were known as “the New York Center for Living people.” We kind of made our own stamp. When they talk about the young people in sobriety in New York meetings, in many ways they’re talking about us, the New York Center for Living people.

This young addict is in college now, doing well, but still considers it a great thing to be thought of as one of the “New York Center for Living people.” The equation has changed now—helping others in recovery equals community. Not a bad trade-off.

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Tags: Addiction,drug use teenagers

The Necessity of Parent Education

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 20:01:00 GMT

We at the New York Center for Living know that addiction is a disease of the family, not just the individual. The parents of young people, especially, are hard hit by the idea that their children are addicts. It’s my experience that the beginning of treatment is the best time to get parents engaged. They crave information and they want to be given tools that will allow them to help their children.

Parents often need basic background on addiction. Sometimes they don’t realize that they need to hide their prescription drugs, that Adderall can be abused, that whipped cream containers hidden in their child’s room can mean he or she is addicted not to sugar, but to nitrous oxide. At the New York Center for Living, Scott Bienenfeld, M.D., our Addiction Psychiatrist; Dr. Jill Backfield, Ph.D., our new Clinical Services Supervisor; and family therapists Jason Andrews, Chris Mooney, Stephanie Sterling and myself discuss concepts like the addicted brain, the disease concept of addiction, the power struggles in addicted families, and the need for parents to consistently set and maintain boundaries for their children.

Typically, the process that ensues is that while the kids have to tolerate the anxiety produced by not using drugs or alcohol to cope in life, parents have to tolerate their kids' efforts at mutiny. Their kids will test them constantly but in the end, they will thank their parents for helping them to grow and become productive members of society.

Parents want to know: if you’ve grounded your child, is it all right to let him go to an AA meeting? If you’ve taken away your daughter’s cell phone because she was using it to order drugs, how does she call her sponsor every day? If your kid seems to be doing okay, is it all right to give him or her a little leeway?

When we first meet the parents of our clients, they are feeling the pain of losing their children to addiction and going through the process characterized of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s famous five stages of grief:

Denial (My child, an addict? Impossible.)

Anger (I can’t believe he has been lying to me all this time!)

Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better parent if only she stops using drugs!)

Depression (There is no hope for my child ever to get better.)
Acceptance (My child is an addict. I can’t change that but I can stop enabling.)

Many parents come into our parent education feeling angry with their children, a feeling no parent likes to have. We try to show parents that anger in this situation is natural, a byproduct of a sense of betrayal if a child has broken promises again and again. But anger needs to be channeled appropriately—it allows a parent to stand firm. It’s not okay for a fourteen year old to be out until two o’clock in the morning. Parents need to learn that “no” is a complete sentence.

The New York Center for Living's parent education focus is all about trying to help parents understand the nature of the addiction that their children suffer from, so that as their children heal, they will, too. It can be a lot to take in, so it requires much repetition and practice. Understanding how to deal with addiction in loved ones doesn’t always come in a flash, like the proverbial light bulb over the head. As our therapist Chris Mooney likes to say, it’s more like a dimmer switch that gradually reveals the light.

But once it’s on, it stays on.
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Whitney Houston’s untimely death due to a possible prescription drug overdose

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:06:00 GMT

Kate Bowden, LCSW, CASAC, CEAP
Executive Director
February 2012

The recent news of the Whitney Houston’s untimely death due to a possible prescription drug overdose has brought public warnings about the dangers of potent drugs like Xanax, Percocet, Vicodin and Oxycontin. However, Whitney Houston’s death highlights a lesser-known problem: the very serious issues facing the children of addicted parents.

Houston’s eighteen-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown has been hospitalized twice for stress and anxiety following her mother’s death last Saturday. Bobbi’s father, the singer Bobby Brown, has also abused drugs; his and Houston’s tumultuous relationship was spread across tabloid pages and on television screens for the better part of a decade.

Bobbi Kristina Brown is not the only one at risk. No matter who the parents are, children of alcoholics and drug abusers are four times more likely to become addicts themselves than children of non-addicts. According to the National Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence, “the single most reliable indicator of risk for future alcohol and drug problems is family history.”

We can learn something from the circumstances surrounding Houston’s death and the trauma her daughter is undergoing. Adolescents experiencing grief, especially those who are susceptible to addiction through genes or family environment, are extremely vulnerable and need a good deal of care and attention. This is not just in the immediate aftermath of a parent’s death or some traumatic change in life circumstances, but for the near future.

Here at the New York Center for Living, at-risk teenagers and young adults like Bobbi Kristina Brown are a significant focus of attention for our team of an addiction psychiatrist, psychologist, clinical social workers and substance abuse counselor. You need to treat the very real grief and depression they are feeling, but also understand that with a genetic disposition as a part of their heritage, untreated grief can lead to a lifetime of addiction.

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Kate Bowden Journal Entry

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:04:00 GMT

As the word “Center” connotes, The New York Center for Living is a safe place where a young person suffering from substance abuse can come with family to receive care for their mind, body and spirit.

Substance abuse affects not just individuals but entire families. Our unique program addresses their collective needs and gives them to tools to reframe their lives to be healthier and happier.

Throughout this journey, our highly skilled and caring staff provides therapy, support, and coaching. We teach young people how to live the lives they were meant to without the use of debilitating substances.

The New York Center for Living often becomes a second home for clients and their families, both during recovery and, sometimes even afterward. We offer a safe place for intensive healing, an atmosphere where people can regain peace and equilibrium.

I’d like to extend a personal invitation to all the wonderful supporters in this room. Please give me a call and set up a time to visit the New York Center for Living. You are all a part of our community now, and I would be pleased to show you our unique and beautiful facility.

Thank you for your gracious gifts to the New York Center for Living and for helping us to serve young people in the City in a profound and everlasting way.

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NEW YORK CENTER FOR LIVING INAUGURAL GALA RAISES $250,000

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:15:00 GMT

NEW YORK CENTER FOR LIVING INAUGURAL GALA RAISES $250,000

Benefit supports treatment of young people with substance abuse problems

New York, NY, October 31, 2011 – The New York Center for Living hosted its inaugural gala on Thursday, October 20, welcoming more than 300 guests and raising $250,00 to help support the New York Center for Living's unique substance abuse treatment programs for adolescents and young adults with chemical dependency issues and their families.

Founded by Elizabeth Kabler, a longtime resident of the Upper East Side and Greenwich, CT, the New York Center for Living fills a vital need as it is the City’s only outpatient program licensed to treat both adolescents and young adults with substance abuse and co-occurring mental health problems. The New York Center for Living is located in a private residence on the Upper East Side.

Thomas P. Melcher, Executive Vice President and Managing Executive of Hawthorn, PNC Family Wealth, based out of Philadephia, the first recipient of the New York Center for Living's Corporate Award, spoke movingly about his experience growing up with a brother struggling with substance abuse.
The evening feature performances New York City talent, including Broadway veteran Marilyn Michaels; platinum-selling R&B artist, Al B. Sure; and iconic rock singer Garland Jeffreys, who was recently a featured guest on The Late Show with David Letterman.

Maurice DuBois, an award-winning journalist and anchor of the WCBS TV evening news, served as master of ceremonies for the evening, organized and supported by dinner Co-Chairs Pamela Newman, President and CEO of the Newman Team at Aon Risk Solutions; Jay V. Strippoli, Senior Investment Advisor at Hawthorn, PNC Family Wealth; and Susan Gutfreund.

For more information about the New York Center for Living, visit www.centerforliving.org.

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Why does the challenge of raising adolescents seem so overwhelming in the digital age?

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:50:00 GMT

The usual stumbling blocks for teens—drug abuse, premature sex, and social pressure—are all compounded by the way teens use technology and social networking sites, like Facebook. Today, teenagers’ social lives run on a 24-hour cycle, so the demands of keeping up with peers can be crushing. Although the means of communication among teens has changed drastically in the last ten years, teenagers’ core emotional and psychological development remains the same, so there’s a gap between sophisticated technology and teenage immaturity.

Now, as always, teenagers are extraordinarily sensitive to rejection, ridicule and ostracism by their peers. For example, they’ll take dangerous risks to be invited to a party—and, just as important to them, to be tagged in pictures of that party on Facebook. To be included, a teen may provide drugs and alcohol to peers and also abuse them.

Nowadays, teenagers don’t have to look far to find a dealer—another change brought about by technology. By logging onto Craigslist and other sites, they can browse online for coded ads for cocaine, marijuana, Oxycontin, Adderall, crystal meth, and other illegal substances.

Other detrimental uses of the internet include web sites that promote self-destructive behavior. For example, Pro Ana is a support site and chat room that encourages anorexics in their self-starvation. There are similar sites that provide “tips” about committing suicide.

Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to these web sites because they are still in the developmental phase of “magical thinking”—they don’t fully realize the finality of death, or they may see view it like video game, where people don’t really die or they come back to life.

It doesn’t help teenagers’ decision making can be impeded because the “reasoning center” of their brain, located in the frontal lobe, isn’t fully developed. As a result there is often a “disconnect” between their actions and the resulting consequences. They simply cannot look far enough ahead to understand, “If I do X, then Y will result.” In other words, adolescents live by the spur of the moment, which only increases their impulsivity and poor decision making.

Parents are often unaware that their teenage children are walking through land-mined social terrain. The situation is precarious but not unmanageable. Family life can be a bulwark against the tumult that teens face. The empowerment and strengthening of families is key to keeping teens on track. This is one important focus at The New York Center for Living.

The New York Center for Living is a New York City-based private, outpatient program specializing in teenage and young adult addiction and mental health treatment. Located in a private brownstone on the Upper East Side, we offer drug addiction family treatment and coach parents in creating a family-centered home. This begins with parents who are themselves centered and confident in their relationships with their children.

Every day, our professional staff holds therapy sessions for the families of our adolescents and young adult clients receiving mental health treatment and drug addiction treatment at The New York Center for Living.

The advice our licensed counselors give can be helpful for the parents of all teenagers and includes:

Walk the walk. Model moderate and responsible drinking.
Keep your home as alcohol-free as possible. Don’t stock liquor, wine and beer at home.
Safeguard prescription drugs that invite abuse, such as medication for ADHD, in a place that is unavailable to teens, such as a locked cabinet.
Discourage sleepovers. You have no control over what goes on in other parents’ homes.
Establish and enforce a curfew.
When a teenager arrives home after a party or being out with friends at night, be awake and available. Talk to your teen for awhile. Does he appear to be sober? Does he smell like alcohol or marijuana?

With adequate information and support, parents can help their children successfully face the hurdles of adolescence, including the pressures that new technologies bring to their lives.

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Tags: Drug Abuse,drug and alcohol prevention,drug use teenagers,Drug Addiction Treatment